I Can Buy Myself Flowers—But Should I?

While I cannot say I am a Miley Cyrus fan, her recent hit song “Flowers” is undeniably catchy—a modern anthem of female independence. Released a few years after her public divorce from Liam Hemsworth in 2023, the song captures the spirit of self-sufficiency and autonomy. Consider this sample:

“Mm, I didn't wanna leave you, I didn't wanna lie
Started to cry, but then remembered I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can.”

Though Miley primarily reflects on her own failed relationship, the song has become emblematic of a broader cultural narrative: the belief that singlehood is preferable to romance.

This trend has been building for years. Young adults are delaying marriage and children, and the preference for singlehood continues to rise. A recent study of 25–34-year-olds in 14 countries, published in The Economist, reveals just how deeply this shift has taken root. Yet beneath the statistics lies a deeper issue affecting many young adults today.

The Genesis Vision for Companionship

One of the most striking statements in Scripture appears early in Genesis. After the account of God creating the universe and resting on the seventh day, Moses provides a more intimate description of God forming Adam from the dust and placing him in the garden. Adam was given freedom to enjoy Eden—with one command—but his existence was not yet complete.

In Genesis 2:18, God declares, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” None of the animals proved suitable companions. Adam required a partner uniquely designed for him.

God then formed the woman from Adam’s rib, and Adam responded with joy: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” (Gen. 2:23)

From this narrative, we learn essential anthropological truths. First, man and woman were created in God’s image (Gen. 1:27). Because God is relational—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—humans were made for relationship. God did not create humanity to solve a loneliness problem. He created us out of the overflowing love within the Trinity.

Second, the woman was formed to complement the man, and the two were designed to live in partnership—not isolation. Yet today we see a strikingly different pattern emerging, what some have called a “relationship recession.”

The Relationship Recession

Consider the numbers: in America in 2023, 41% of women and 50% of men ages 25–34 were single. Similar trends appear across most wealthy nations. Only about 20% of Gen Z adults live with a partner, whether married or cohabiting. Yet this shift is not simply a preference for independence. A majority of these men and women want to be in a relationship. Only 27% say they enjoy being single.

Why, then, are so many struggling to form lasting relationships? Several factors contribute. Social maturity appears to be declining, in part due to the overuse of digital devices and social media. Dating apps allow users—especially women—to filter potential partners by highly specific traits, narrowing the pool to a small percentage of men. Educational imbalances play a role as well: 51% of young women complete college compared to only 39% of young men. Many highly educated women still desire a partner with comparable drive and education, which raises a cultural question: Should women “marry down”?

Should Women “Marry Down”?

The stereotype of the young adult male today is not flattering: unmotivated, gaming for hours, avoiding responsibility. As women pursue full-time careers, they often fear being saddled with both professional duties and the full domestic load. As a father of a daughter, I understand the concern. I want her to marry a man who is driven, responsible, and spiritually aligned with her. I would rather she remain single than settle for someone who will hold her back.

Yet this mindset collides with the realities of dating apps. The Economist notes that until about 2013, most couples met through friends. But with the rise of smartphones, online dating became the primary way heterosexual couples met. I met my wife, Lisa, through a church community. Our relationship was shaped by shared values, proximity, and mutual friends—elements that dating apps cannot replicate.

Apps allow users to filter by nearly any characteristic—age, height, race, religion, political views. This “precision filtering” intensifies pickiness and reduces matches. In a generation accustomed to personalized playlists and curated news feeds, it is no surprise that people want optimized romantic matches. But perhaps the pendulum has swung too far.

The Real Suspect: Digital Disconnection

While having standards in dating is healthy, the deeper issue is the digital world’s pull away from real human interaction. Social situations can be awkward, but they become easier with practice and are essential for relational growth. Digital alternatives offer comfort without the vulnerability required for real bonding.

Healthy relationships require men and women who are maturing socially, emotionally, and spiritually. Men, in particular, must demonstrate ambition, purpose, and the ability to contribute meaningfully to a relationship. As women expect more, men must rise to the challenge. Women do not need men to be complete, and men do not need women to be complete, yet Scripture and human experience affirm that we were created for companionship. Marriage remains the normative context for this companionship and is the foundation for bearing and raising children.

As birth rates decline globally, the consequences will extend far beyond personal fulfillment—they will reshape economies and societies. Children cultivate sacrifice, vision for the future, and commitment to the next generation.

Personally, I cannot imagine my life without my wife and children. While individual freedom may feel diminished, my satisfaction has deepened precisely because my life is bound to others. I was made to love and serve, and in doing so I have found joy and purpose.

Encouragement for the Single

If you are single, do not withdraw into digital isolation. Be socially active. Engage with people regularly. Participate in communities where friendships can form naturally. Set realistic standards for dating while recognizing that character should matter far more than superficial preferences. Kindness, honesty, humor, and shared convictions are best discerned in real life, not through curated online profiles. Pursue relationships within your actual social networks, where trusted friends can observe and offer valuable insight.

We Were Made for Relationship

Every human bears God’s image, and therefore every human is wired for relationship. A spouse cannot fulfill all your deepest desires—only Christ can. Yet marriage remains one of the most profound ways we reflect God’s relational nature through mutual love, humility, and service.

Marriage is not the only God-given relationship for companionship. Friendship is also essential, even for those who are married. Good friendships glorify the Lord and enrich our lives in meaningful ways.

If you are single, do not despair. Invest in friendships. Live socially. And if God desires you to marry, remain open to His leading as you build community. In time, you may meet the person He has prepared for you.